When Rachel and Nathan (not their real names) arrived for couples therapy, they were skeptical, cynical, and had all but given up hope on their 27-year relationship. As their youngest left for college, they found themselves reassessing their relationship. When couples therapy didn’t seem to help, they decided to turn to psychedelics, what they called “a radical solution,” in a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.

They shared that they hadn’t been happy for over a decade, yet their commitment to providing their children with a stable and healthy home environment had kept them in their dull and sexless marriage. I see this often with empty nesters; what keeps couples together is their love and care for their children, but as the kids leave and they finally turn their attention to their marriage, they find themselves dismayed by how little they relate to one another.

Rachel and Nathan were both exhausted from the constant bickering and arguments that always landed them in a withdrawn and disconnected place. “I don’t seem to be able to reach him! He is distant and checked out! Every time I try to bring up something that’s bothering me, he immediately becomes defensive, shuts down, and leaves the house,” said Rachel. “I don’t seem to be able to satisfy her or get it right ever! She is constantly upset about something. No matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to be enough. It’s as if we’re speaking different languages!”

One of the most common mistakes couples make in a relationship is taking love, connection, and harmony for granted. We think that love can self-sustain, but love is a practice much like fitness; no matter how fit we are, if we don’t keep training, we will lose our strength. Love, much like untrained muscles, can also atrophy. Love atrophy looks like resentment, repeated arguments, loss of trust, no emotional or physical intimacy, and a deep sense of unfulfillment 

When a couple has been in this state for some time, their hearts are no longer open, vulnerable, and willing to work through the challenges; in other words, they are stuck in a self-protective and defensive pattern focused on “me” vs. “we.” While couples therapy can help, I have found that psychedelics and empathogens can deliver faster and more profound results in a single session than years of therapy. The truth is that many couples call it quits long before couples therapy begins to deliver, which is why more and more couples are turning to MDMA to rescue, repair, and restore their love bond.

MDMA, often referred to as Molly or Ecstasy, is a non-classical psychedelic that primarily affects the brain’s serotonin systems. It is considered a potent empathogen and entactogen, which means it enhances feelings of empathy, love, and connection. Participants also report feeling euphoria, elevated mood, reduced anxiety, and a heightened sense of connection with others.

Rachel turned to Nathan with tears in her eyes: “You’re such an amazing father and partner; you have created such a wonderful life for us all! I realize I haven’t expressed that to you in quite some time. It felt like at some point you gave up on our relationship and became distant. I couldn’t reach you anymore… That really hurt my feelings. I felt confused, sad, and abandoned. I didn’t know how to cope, so I guarded my heart to not get more hurt.”

Nathan had been sitting across from Rachel this whole time, holding her hands and listening attentively. I invited Nathan to express the impact of what Rachel shared. He was overcome with emotion: “My bride! There she is! The woman I fell in love with! That tender, beautiful heart! I knew she was in there all along. I am sorry for checking out of our marriage and neglecting your needs. After you were forced to close your studio, I felt ashamed for not having been able to support you to keep the doors open; I knew how much you loved your studio. I felt like a failure and didn’t know how to deal with the shame…”
 

When we met again for integration one week later, they both looked visibly younger and more radiant! “I am in awe of the shift in our relationship!” said Rachel. “I want to be cautious here and see how long we can keep this momentum, but this past week has been the best we’ve had in our relationship in a decade!” expressed Nathan. At our one-month check-in, they reported that their relationship was thriving—they’re buying a new house and planning to renew their vows.

MDMA is not a “fix-it” pill for every troubled relationship, but if you’re willing, committed, and open, it can open your heart and heal your relationship in profound and lasting ways when guided by a professional. An actively guided MDMA journey is vastly different from a self-guided or passively guided (trip-sitter) journey both in experience and outcomes.